Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Scarlet Blog

Thomas Friedman has a column in today's NYT (sorry, it's Times Select -- fancy!) with more about how the young'uns and how the whole world is diff'rent now, man.
The world is flat!  This time, it's because of blogs and MySpace and Facebook and JDate.
Friedman's theory this time is that if you act stupid or nasty on the Internet as a wee nerdling, your stupidity or nastiness could make you famous for stupidity and nastiness.  Forevah! -- on account of the bits and bytes persist on the Internet for all time and are available as cached Google pages to any potential date, employer, in-law, landlord, friend, prosecutor, persecutor, or stalker.
According to the fad book he quotes today ("How," by Dov Seidman), "The tapestry of human behavior is so varied, so rich and so global that it presents a rare opportunity, the opportunity to outbehave the competition." (emphasis Friedman's)
Ah, what a rare opportunity the Internet has given us.  I can hardly wait to see everyone competing to outbehave me on the Internet.
PWNED, n00b!  U call that b3h@vng?!
Now, to be fair, the Friedman article kinda mushes together the effect on businesses (who may in fact be shamed into behaving) with the effect on individuals, but...
...anyone who looks at the Internet, which basically enables numberless opportunities for anonymously acting like a complete jerk, and sees it as an opportunity for outbehaving... hasn't really looked at the Internet.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

New Digs

So, my work is now in the fancy new New York Times Building.
Closer to White Castle .
  Closer to the Port Authority Bus Terminal.
     Closer to enough adult DVD shops to summon a revenant Andrea Dworkin (spoo-oooky!).
And, of course, closer to the fount of all things memailed!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Five Boroughs for Fifty States

In light of hints from current New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg that he'll run for president as an independent, and polls showing former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani is in the lead among the GOP crowd and current New York senator Hillary ahead among the Dems, isn't it time?
Time to move the capital out of that boring, hazy, institutional burg on the Potomac and back to the Big Apple where it belongs?
On second thought, the Pentagon might not be ready.  As Rick said to Major Strasser, "Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade."

Monday, June 18, 2007

Philosopher's Stone

IN a commercial for Trojan condoms that has its premiere tonight, women in
a bar are surrounded by anthropomorphized, cellphone-toting pigs. One shuffles
to the men’s room, where, after procuring a condom from a vending machine,
he is transformed into a head-turner in his 20s. When he returns to the bar,
a fetching blond who had been indifferent now smiles at him invitingly.
Okay, now we have the method for turning pork into human. If only Og had known that when the Evil Genius turned him all piggy.
But the real Philosopher's Stone is turning pork into something kosher-- maybe goat?

Sore Thumb

One of these terr'rists is not like the others,
One of these terr'rist does not belong!

Um, maybe that tall blond guy dressed like a lumberjack?

Soldier (whispering): Ted -- Hey, Ted! How's the infiltration op going?
Ted (whispering): Shhh!!! You're going to blow my cover! I'm this close to taking down Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): One of us is speaking to the American soldier in English!
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): An infiltrator among us!
Al Qaeda Suspect #3 (in Arabic): A betrayer!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): Were it not for these blindfolds we could identify him!
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): Fiddlesticks!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): Abu Elvis, can you tell who it is?
Ted (in Arabic): Alack, no. Sorry, y'all.
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): Tarnation!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Civil Wars Getting a Bad Rap?

The NYT reports that:
The first aerial survey of southern Sudan in 25 years has revealed vast migrating herds, rivaling those of the Serengeti plains, that have managed to survive 25 years of civil war, the Wildlife Conservation Society and Southern Sudan will announce today at a news conference in New York.
So . . . civil war . . . is . . . good for endangered species?
No, don't try to talk me out of it.  Too late.  Deducto, Master of Inference, is way ahead of you. 
Now, let's watch the Caspian tiger population rebound in Iraq!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Goat in Himmel

I've written before (here and here) on how noble is the humble goat (also check out webcomic Goats, which I've been reading for a while and whose excellence was recently recognized in PC Magazine).
In another memailed article, the NYT is reporting that, in addition to
  • tasting delicious
  • substiting for the human sacrifice of Isaac
  • protecting tenants from Plagues in Egypt (with their, um, blood on the lintel)
  • carrying off people's sins (scapegoats)
  • weaning farmers off tobacco production
  • easing the transition of Somali refugees
  • removing weeds in place of pesticides
  • preventing forest fires by grazing on brush
  • fighting trolls
  • giving us goat cheese, and
  • making fancy sweaters
Time to step up, other forms of livestock!