Friday, December 21, 2007

Tendency to Shade the Truth

NYT has a great headline for its article about Mitt Romney's habit of saying self-serving things that are not true: 
The whole article reads like someone went through and replaced instances of "inaccurate" and "false" with "imprecise."
George Washington said, "I cannot tend to imprecision.  I chopped down the cherry tree."
In other news, I just got back from a lifetime of hunting with my good buddy, MLK.  We shot a fish this big.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Escape from New Jersey

These two sound like bad guys who belong in prison.
So why is it so cool that they escaped?
And aren't there any construction techniques that can keep someone from scraping a hole in a wall with a piece of wire?

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Baby matadors killing baby bulls in Mexico!
Is there anything cuter?  If there is I don't wanna hear about it.
Unless it's baby gladiators.  Someone?  North Korea?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Fee? Fie!

Forestry Giant no like adverse judgment!!  Forestry Giant smash!!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Ecce Ahmadinejad

NYT reports that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University today.
I know exactly how this happened.  Columbia President Lee Bollinger had to weigh the pros and cons...
Cons:  Ahmadinejad's country has recently imprisoned and tortured Americans; has likely armed Shia militias in Iraq with armor-piercing bombs; Admadinejad denies that the Holocaust happened; he wants to destroy the state of Israel; Iran is developing nuclear weapons; and giving Ahmadinejad even a hostile reception at a prestigious American university appears to legitimize his wicked nonsense.
Pros: Bollinger vs. World Famous Villain will be TELEVISED.  The Fight's in Morningside Heights.  One ticket buys the whole seat ... BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!
Cons never had a chance.
Ahmadinejad got to complaint that Bollinger wasn't a very hospitable host.  If he'd really wanted to warm up the crowd he should've said, "I just flew in from Tehran.  Boy are my arms tired!"
As the NYT noted, a flier at the event read: "Bollinger, too bad Bin Laden is not available. You could have presented him with some tough questions too."
Oh! Oh!  And he said there are no gays in Iran!! 
I had a friend in college who was born in Iran (although he was ethnically Armenian) and told us a fantastic story about his grandmother.  The grandmother told her grandsons (all then living in Los Angeles) that there were no gays in Armenia.
They said to her, "Oh, come on, grandma.  Of course there are gays in Armenia."
But she was adamant.  She said, "No!  There was one gay in Armenia once.  His name was [Armenian name I can't recall].  But they killed him!"
I think what I like about the story is that she claimed to know the name of the one guy who'd been gay and Armenian.  But died.  Presumably, leaving no offspring.
Ahmadinejad, you should totally have adapted that story for your speech!  Maybe next time, when you speak at NYU?

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Germany: 1 Terrorists: 0

The Associated Press reports that German police arrested three guys who were planning to use 1,500 pounds of hydrogen peroxide to make explosives (sounds like a lot of TATP) for blowing up Americans there.
At the risk of offending the various terrorist sleeper cells, these guys generally don't seem very competent. 

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


Sorry about the light posting lately, loyal readers.
Everything from China contains lead.  Or other poison.
No doubt we'll see more factory heads "committing suicide" soon.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

What I Said

Today's Memailed NYT Editorial is so copying my post from yesterday about Bush commuting Scooter Libby's prison term:
Presidents have the power to grant clemency and pardons. But in this case, Mr. Bush did not sound like a leader making tough decisions about justice. He sounded like a man worried about what a former loyalist might say when actually staring into a prison cell.

I almost feel... <sniff> like my post was memailed!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Scooter Escapes Justice

So it looks like President Bush has finally fulfilled his promise to be a "compassionate conservative" by commuting the prison sentence of Scooter Libby, convicted of obstruction of justice, false statements and perjury.
According to the President's statement:
I respect the jury's verdict.  But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby's sentence that required him to spend thirty months in prison.
What's less excessive than 30 months?  No months!
Honestly, I don't understand why Bush didn't just pardon Libby. 
This halfway measure will leave his supporters grumpy, knowing Bush "respect[s] the ... verdict" that says Libby lied to keep secret the President's wrongdoing. 
And it won't fool the people who know Libby should go to jail for his crimes.
More important, all the other people in the administration who are lying and breaking the law for the President are now thinking, "Is that all the support I can expect from the President?  I sacrifice my integrity and subvert the government to his whim and in return he reduces my sentence?  Where'd I put the number for my old classmate at the Times?"

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Scarlet Blog

Thomas Friedman has a column in today's NYT (sorry, it's Times Select -- fancy!) with more about how the young'uns and how the whole world is diff'rent now, man.
The world is flat!  This time, it's because of blogs and MySpace and Facebook and JDate.
Friedman's theory this time is that if you act stupid or nasty on the Internet as a wee nerdling, your stupidity or nastiness could make you famous for stupidity and nastiness.  Forevah! -- on account of the bits and bytes persist on the Internet for all time and are available as cached Google pages to any potential date, employer, in-law, landlord, friend, prosecutor, persecutor, or stalker.
According to the fad book he quotes today ("How," by Dov Seidman), "The tapestry of human behavior is so varied, so rich and so global that it presents a rare opportunity, the opportunity to outbehave the competition." (emphasis Friedman's)
Ah, what a rare opportunity the Internet has given us.  I can hardly wait to see everyone competing to outbehave me on the Internet.
PWNED, n00b!  U call that b3h@vng?!
Now, to be fair, the Friedman article kinda mushes together the effect on businesses (who may in fact be shamed into behaving) with the effect on individuals, but...
...anyone who looks at the Internet, which basically enables numberless opportunities for anonymously acting like a complete jerk, and sees it as an opportunity for outbehaving... hasn't really looked at the Internet.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

New Digs

So, my work is now in the fancy new New York Times Building.
Closer to White Castle .
  Closer to the Port Authority Bus Terminal.
     Closer to enough adult DVD shops to summon a revenant Andrea Dworkin (spoo-oooky!).
And, of course, closer to the fount of all things memailed!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Five Boroughs for Fifty States

In light of hints from current New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg that he'll run for president as an independent, and polls showing former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani is in the lead among the GOP crowd and current New York senator Hillary ahead among the Dems, isn't it time?
Time to move the capital out of that boring, hazy, institutional burg on the Potomac and back to the Big Apple where it belongs?
On second thought, the Pentagon might not be ready.  As Rick said to Major Strasser, "Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade."

Monday, June 18, 2007

Philosopher's Stone

IN a commercial for Trojan condoms that has its premiere tonight, women in
a bar are surrounded by anthropomorphized, cellphone-toting pigs. One shuffles
to the men’s room, where, after procuring a condom from a vending machine,
he is transformed into a head-turner in his 20s. When he returns to the bar,
a fetching blond who had been indifferent now smiles at him invitingly.
Okay, now we have the method for turning pork into human. If only Og had known that when the Evil Genius turned him all piggy.
But the real Philosopher's Stone is turning pork into something kosher-- maybe goat?

Sore Thumb

One of these terr'rists is not like the others,
One of these terr'rist does not belong!

Um, maybe that tall blond guy dressed like a lumberjack?

Soldier (whispering): Ted -- Hey, Ted! How's the infiltration op going?
Ted (whispering): Shhh!!! You're going to blow my cover! I'm this close to taking down Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): One of us is speaking to the American soldier in English!
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): An infiltrator among us!
Al Qaeda Suspect #3 (in Arabic): A betrayer!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): Were it not for these blindfolds we could identify him!
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): Fiddlesticks!
Al Qaeda Suspect #1 (in Arabic): Abu Elvis, can you tell who it is?
Ted (in Arabic): Alack, no. Sorry, y'all.
Al Qaeda Suspect #2 (in Arabic): Tarnation!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Civil Wars Getting a Bad Rap?

The NYT reports that:
The first aerial survey of southern Sudan in 25 years has revealed vast migrating herds, rivaling those of the Serengeti plains, that have managed to survive 25 years of civil war, the Wildlife Conservation Society and Southern Sudan will announce today at a news conference in New York.
So . . . civil war . . . is . . . good for endangered species?
No, don't try to talk me out of it.  Too late.  Deducto, Master of Inference, is way ahead of you. 
Now, let's watch the Caspian tiger population rebound in Iraq!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Goat in Himmel

I've written before (here and here) on how noble is the humble goat (also check out webcomic Goats, which I've been reading for a while and whose excellence was recently recognized in PC Magazine).
In another memailed article, the NYT is reporting that, in addition to
  • tasting delicious
  • substiting for the human sacrifice of Isaac
  • protecting tenants from Plagues in Egypt (with their, um, blood on the lintel)
  • carrying off people's sins (scapegoats)
  • weaning farmers off tobacco production
  • easing the transition of Somali refugees
  • removing weeds in place of pesticides
  • preventing forest fires by grazing on brush
  • fighting trolls
  • giving us goat cheese, and
  • making fancy sweaters
Time to step up, other forms of livestock!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Remedial Lessons in Terrorist Tradecraft

I lived in Fort Dix when I was tiny, and one of my younger sisters was born there.  My Dad was a doctor in the Army for a short stretch.  I called the place "Four Ducks," apparently influenced more by the presence of ducks than by veneration for a Civil War general.  I remember my sister in a high chair and Tonka trucks and, lessee ... a lamp I had shaped like a clown.  Yes, Fort Dix rocks.
Now some would-be terr'rists wanna attack it? 
The New York Times reports that Yugoslavian brothers Dritan, Eljvir and Shain Duka, along with another Yugoslavian guy, a Jordanian guy and a Turkish guy decided to form a little terror cell in New Jersey and attack an Army base. 
Based on a map one of them obtained while visiting the base in his job as a pizza deliveryman.
So they trained with deadliest guns and ran in deadlist woods and plotted deadliest plots and thought deadliest thoughts. 
Plus, one was named "Dritan," which already sounds like the name of a villain.  Or like the name of a nasal spray.
Their Achilles' heel?  They made a DVD of themselves shooting guns in the air while "calling for jihad and shouting Allah Akbar."  And then went to a store to have copies made.  A store employee found it "disturbing" and called the Law, who agreed.
Jack Bauer, we hardly need ye. 

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

#$%^ A Duck!

In a Memailed article, the NYT reports that male ducks grow enormous spiral phalluses.
Turns out male ducks rape female ducks a lot, and it's better for a female duck if she can reproduce with the mate she chooses (think of all the loser male ducks you know and it makes sense).
So female ducks evolved to have long, labyrinthine oviducts, and the males had to evolve matching phalluses just to keep up and compete with other males.
And I thought being oviparous was all mating-for-life and "March of the Penguins."  Yecch.

Monday, April 30, 2007

I'm Not Worthy!

Today at BJJ, Georges St. Pierre came to train.
A really nice guy, but I'm happy not to have sparred with him today!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


If you didn't love Heroes before, you have to love it now that it has Eric Roberts in it.
Eric Roberts? From Best of the Best?
Watch out, Heroes crew:  If I were an eccentric billionaire and Chris Penn hadn't died, I'd get the whole cast together for a live theater production of that movie.  It'd be bigger than Lion King , and Eric Roberts would be recognized for the acting-as-a-character-whose-shoulder-is-dislocated genius he is.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Super News Roundup! Suicide! Gay Cars! Corzine Crash!

The AP reports that a man jumped off the Empire State Building today (and died).
According to the article, someone called the police after seeing a severed leg (wearing a sock) on the street below.
Kudos to the NYPD for its powers of deduction-- police found the leg's owner (minus one leg, and one sock -- Aha!) on a setback on the 30th floor.
I presume the AP described the victim as "a lawyer in his 30s" to make the story seem less sad? 
Although the jumper wasn't named, you can probably deduce from this post (and from my general attachment to being alive) that the lawyer in his 30s was not The Litvak.
Also, the NYT adds to its hard-hitting coverage of "metrosexuals" and "man dates" with its report that some cars are "gay."  Bravo to Alex Williams, the Alfred Kinsey of automobiles.
And in related news, I believe New Jersey governor Jon Corzine's near-fatal car crash yesterday, which took place when an "apparently out-of-control driver" swerved into the police vehicle carrying Corzine should be investigated as a hate crime.  Against Corzine's gay car.
Isn't it hard enough being a gay police car?  I wouldn't know, but I imagine it is.  Maybe former Gov. McGreevey would know.
I wish Gov. Corzine a speedy recovery-- he's broken his left leg, sternum, collarbone, six ribs on each side and a lower vertebra.  That's 16 bones!  I don't think I even have that many bones!
I'm not a doctor, but I'm convinced the best therapy for Corzine is to just lace his skeleton with adamantium.
That'll be cool for when he's healed up and fights The Governator on top of the White House.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Onion on Memailed

Check out this great piece from The Onion on the NYT's Memailed list.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Plural of Ho

NYT reports on radio host Don Imus's breast-beating over his inappropriate remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team:
Mr. Imus last week described Rutgers University's women's basketball team as "nappy-headed ho's," and then days later said everyone needed to relax and should not be offended by "some idiot comment meant to be amusing."
First, Imus should be fired.  So says this blog.  This blog, which is an authoritative source on journalistic ethics.  Which represents the moral judgment of the community.  Which the powerful read and quake (if they're bad).  Which the oppressed read it and wonder if I'm calling them SHPOSes.
Second, should there be an apostrophe used when creating a plural of the word "ho"?  Is it "ho's" and not "hos"?
I need to know.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Black Belt

My old Brazilian Jujitusu (BJJ) instructor-- featured in this post twisting some poor guy into a pretzel at a tournament-- just received his black belt from Renzo Gracie last night.
I didn't know he'd been promoted when I went to train this morning, but I should have known when I saw he had "the glow."

The Stare

NYT reports that NYC is using "three aggressive border collies" to scare Canada geese away from eating and pooping on the Kentucky bluegrass in the Sheep Meadow and Great Lawn in Central Park.
Geese, it seems, don't sweat the small stuff and can learn to ignore what's not really gonna eat them (arm-waving humans, most dogs).
But specially-trained border collies "are able to frighten geese via 'the stare,' a particular look and stance that leads geese to conclude that the dogs are predators."
(collie doing "the stare" pictured above)

"I say," one goose says to another, "do you see the look that collie is giving us?"
"I do indeed," says the other goose, biting on the stem of an unlit pipe, "but whatever shall I conclude from it?"
"Well, we must eliminate the impossible, and whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
"No! Then you're saying that..."
"Yes! I conclude that dog is a predator. Let us remove."
And they poop elsewhere.

Now NYC just needs to hire collies to do a "particular look" that leads people to conclude that they'll be torn limb from bloody limb if they are rude on the subway.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Slow News Day?

Clearly there's not enough people dying in real conflicts; the New York Times is reporting on the death of comic-book character Captain America.  I think the story is that he was killed by a crazy astronaut woman who was in love with him.
Sniff... only the super die young...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Omo Plata!

Click here to see a clip of my old Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor's 2/17/07 match at "Grapplerquest." 
(He's the one who wins in a few seconds with an omo plata)
Go Jason!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Internet to Litvak: I Miss You

Sorry about the posting hiatus, loyal reader(s?).  I was turned off of the Internet after that "belly punching" thing.  Yecch.
But thanks to Girls are Pretty posts like this one, I'll bravely live to click again.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Regarding Last Post

I have never been so sorry I Googled something, ever.
NSFW (Not safe for work).
Bad The Internet! Bad!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Belly Punching?

So, the search engine elves in Google's servers have started sending more people to links of my descriptions of Brazilian Ju Jitsu techniques .
Which is kinda neat.  Except that I've seen more than one who got to the "Knee on Belly" position by searching for "belly punching."
I mean, granted, these searches are from places where English isn't the predominant language, but, yechh, what are they looking for?
If it isn't something wholesome like a instructions of how to immobilize someone by putting all you weight on his solar plexus with your knee, they're going to be very disappointed. 
Seriously, if you know what "belly punching" searchers are looking for and it's not going to further erode my respect for the Internet, let me know.

Imagine There's No Intellectual Property / It's Easy if You Try

WARNING:  Law-related post
So Steve Jobs('s lawyers?) wrote an aw-shucks-folks open letter basically responding to legal attack in Europe that claims Apple's Digital Rights Management (DRM) software locks competitors out of its iTunes service.
He says the status quo is great (Apple's DRM won't play with others). 
He rules out licensing Apple's DRM software (what the lawsuits presumably seek to compel) because then the secrets of the software would come out and it wouldn't work as copy protection anymore as employees of companies less noble and trustworthy than employees of Apple help crack the software.
Or, Jobs says, we could get rid of DRM altogether, and all music would be unprotected, and he says that'd be fine, too.  Fine with him, he means, but he knows the music companies would rather have someone pay for their music.
This is the CEO equivalent of a kid who's told to share his Halloween candy with his younger sibling and responds that he earned that scarce candy and splitting up candy is difficult and reduces incentives to gather candy and besides, the real problem is:  Candy isn't free.  His little brother could have as much candy as he wanted if only society didn't insist that we place legal protections on it.  Share the sweetness, man.
The interesting question in my mind is whether Apple's agreements with the music publishers would even allow Apple to license the DRM software to manufacturers of other music players.  Not that my vast knowledge of European antitrust law tells me whether that would matter legally.  But it might matter that a decision against Apple could mean it loses the right to distribute all the music governed by agreements with the music publishers...

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Astronauts

Astronaut's Stalker Kidnap Kit:
  • Car
  • "Adult diapers" (so you won't have to stop in public and use a restroom)
  • Disguise:  trenchoat, dark wig, sunglasses (everyone knows you-- you're a famous astronaut!)
  • $600 in cash (don't create a paper trail by buying gas with a credit card)
  • BB Gun ("Get outta the car or I'll shoot you with this real gun!)
  • Pepper Spray ("Take that, rival for other astronaut's affections!")
  • Rubber gloves (don't leave fingerprints)
  • Rubber tubing ("Hold still a minute...")
  • Love letters ("'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?'  You stole from the Bard!")
  • Steel mallet (You don't want to know)
  • 4-inch folding knife (ditto)

Monday, February 05, 2007

Gluttony in the BK!

The Amateur Gourmet (a friend of Tenderfoot) reviews some Park Slope restaurants .
His review of Franny's is spot-on.  My shorter review:  That is some damn fine pizza.
I'll have to eat my way through the other places in the 'hood.  Though, technically, I live in Prospect Heights, on the other side of Flatbush.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

NYT Goes all "Forrest Gump" About Horses

The NYT Editorial page is determined to lionize horses with this dimwitted piece about Barbaro, the racehorse who was just put down.

The piece asks "Why should we feel so much grief at the loss of one horse?"
I hadn't felt so much grief, so I wanted to know.
The way I saw it, plenty of noble cattle were slaughtered for t-bones today and I wasn't sad. For that matter, dozens of Iraqi people were blown up at the bazaar this week and I went to work anyway. What's so special about Barbaro that I'm supposed to be wearing sackcloth and ashes?

The Times explains the answer, which is something about how Barbaro was a very athletic horse. And, of course, "It was tragic because of what every horse is."

And what is every horse?

You would have to look a long, long time to find a dishonest or cruel horse. And the odds are that if you did find one, it was made cruel or dishonest by the company it kept with humans. It is no exaggeration to say that nearly every horse — Barbaro included — is pure of heart.

Oh, good thing you qualified that with nearly every horse. I mean, you wouldn't want people thinking the NYT was defending Hitler's horse, or the Four Horses of the Apocalypse (steeds to the Horsemen).

And the statistics about dishonest horses' bad human influences ("odds are") are an indispensable disclaimer for people who are considering entering into business dealings with horses. You wouldn't want to be swindled by that one sneaky horse who's been around people. Make sure that if you're lending money to a horse he hasn't picked up any filthy human vices.

Other than that, I think the NYT has convinced me that every day, in every way, I will strive to become more and more like a horse.

Lithuanian Visitor to Litvak Chronicles

Today at around 5:00 am the blog got what I believe is my first Lithuanian visitor!  Or, at least, my first visitor with a URL in Lithuania:
Domain Name ? (Lithuania)
IP Address   82.135.243.# (Joint Stock Company Lietuvos Telekomas)
ISP   Lietuvos Telekomas
Continent  :  Europe
Country  :  Lithuania   (Facts)
State/Region  :  Vilniaus Apskritis
City  :  Vilnius
Lat/Long  :  54.6833, 25.3167 (Map)
Distance  :  4,319 miles
Language   Lithuanian
I guess he was searching for Litvaks and this blog is the 7th listing for "Litvak" on Google Lithuania .
I'm famous!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Testimony for Sale!

If you want to confirm that some plaintiffs' lawyers are slimy, check out this piece about the fee dispute between law firm Thelen Reid and guy from France Francois Marland.
The case involved a whistleblower suit on Marland's behalf against a consortium of French banks who'd used a shell company to secretly buy an insolvent California insurance company in violation of California law restricting foreign ownership of insurance companies.
Deep breath. 
Yawn--  I mean... the plot thickens.
When the California Department of Insurance brought a suit, too, Thelen got Marland's permission to represent it as well. 
(Legal Ethics Rule #1:  You can represent clients with potentially conflicting interests unless they waive the conflict -- and sometimes not even then.  Actually, this is the only ethical rule most big firm lawyers deal with frequently.)
Under the fee-sharing agreement, Thelen Reid provided legal services and Marland and some lawyers he put together would secure documents and testimony ... especially Marland's testimony. 
The article notes that "[t]he fee-sharing agreement in the dispute has raised the hackles of legal ethicists, who say some provisions skate dangerously close to buying Marland's testimony."  Actually, it looks like they fell through the ice.
And stop snickering at the phrase "legal ethicists."
In the 1999 version of their agreement, "Marland and a group of lawyers he'd assembled would receive 52.5 percent of Thelen's take (65 percent if the case settled quickly). The large cut would be in exchange for securing documents and testimony, among other services. A later amendment would reduce Marland's cut by two-thirds if he failed to testify at all, and by half if he testified only before the grand jury but not during the civil trial."
If that's "not buying testimony" then Murder, Inc. was "not hiring contract killers."
The article makes a big deal out of the fact that Marland wasn't a lawyer at the time of the first fee-sharing agreement (it's okay to fee-share only with a lawyer).  But even if he'd been a lawyer, that doesn't mean you can pay for his testimony. 
Hey, maybe that could be Litvak's Rule of Legal Ethics, if it were a rule of legal ethics.  Actually, it's just law that applies to everyone.  You can't sell testimony.  Even if you're a lawyer!
Go figure.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Lore: Funny :: Google : Information

I mean it.  Check out this piece.
I'm ashamed to say I got the Shadowrun reference at the very end.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

China: Orphans Need Svelte Parents

The NYT has an article about China's restrictive adoption policies.
According to the article, among other restrictions, "the new regulations call for a body mass index of less than 40."
So, if you're trying to decide whether you want fries with that, think about whether you also want to adopt a Chinese baby.  FYI.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Missile, Schmissile

China developed a "satellite killer" missile and yesterday used it to destroy one of its own satellites. The New York Times reports that this action challenges the United States's supremacy in SPACE.

Pentagon officials now plan to use our own missiles to shoot down all of our satellites.

(I'll be here all week! Take my wife, please!)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

For Every Thing There Is a Season

It's too much SHPOSiness for one day.  Delicate readers may want to skip the rest of the post...
This afternoon I stepped into a bathroom stall at work and whoever used it last didn't flush.
Yes, but "grosser than gross"-- no toilet paper in the bowl.
No toilet paper! In! The bowl!
And I don't think he took it with him, either.
I'm going to stop shaking hands.
With these people, the time for "this is how big people do it" is way past.  And the time for methodical harpooning is long overdue.

SHPOSes Ascendant

This past weekend, Tenderfoot's bike was stolen off the bike rack across the street from the police station.
This morning, I came outside and someone had stripped the front wheel off my bike.  I don't think anyone else on the block has had a bike touched, but we've each had our seats stolen, and now this.
Then, I step onto the B train and into-- a pile of (what I really hope was) dogshit.
Dogshit.  In the train.
I take back the nice things I said about New York.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

$250m for 5 years

The Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team just signed a 5-year, $250 million contract with David Beckham.
I hear they offered him a cool billion, but he refused their condition (leaving Posh in Europe).

Friday, January 05, 2007

Some SHPOSes, but some Mensches, too

I know I complain about our SHPOSes a lot, but New York had lots of decent, admirable people.
When a man had a seizure and fell onto the subway tracks, Wesley Autrey jumped down and saved him , lying with the man between the rails as the No. 1 train screeched to a halt over their heads.