Wednesday, August 31, 2005

BJJ Move #64: Head and Arm Choke from Mount

Hey, you can do that last move from the mount, too, and with even more leverage!

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Head and Arm Choke / Neck Crank from Mount (a/k/a shoulder choke, arm triangle):
-submission

Setups:
1) From the mount, get head control: swim your arms inside his and get one (here, the left) around his head. Lean your weight onto his neck, turning his head to his left. Get him to put his left arm near or across his face.
2) Another opportunity is when you are sitting up in his guard and he posts his hand (here, let’s say his left hand) on your chest, or when you have him in cross side and he pushes up with his hand to escape.
Now shove his left arm across his face with your right hand and slide your face down the back of his left arm. Pin his left arm under his jaw with your left chest/shoulder, holding him around the back of his neck with your left arm.
Now bring your right arm up by his left ear and grab your right biceps.
Bend your right arm and place the palm of your right hand on his forehead. This is basically the same grip as a rear naked choke.
Bring your elbows toward each other, squeeze, and push your head forward and down to tighten the choke. Your left biceps cuts off his right carotid while his own left shoulder against his throat cuts off his left carotid.
If the choke isn’t working well, turn your left palm up to bring pressure from the ridge of your forearm against his neck for a painful neck crank. You can also tighten it by stepping your left leg over to his right side, so you no longer have the mount, and leaning your weight onto his head / neck.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Light Posting

Hey, loyal readers!

Sorry about the light posting recently...
I've been wrapping up my clerkship: Drafting opinions, training my replacement, etc.
And this coming Saturday I'm off to the Yucatan Peninsula for a few weeks.
Alas, all four of you will have to find something else to do with thirty seconds of your week, 'cause I don't plan to blog while I'm gone.

Just beer, beach, books, and Mayan ruins.
I'll post pics.

Tu heel k'iin!

BJJ Move #63: Head and Arm Choke from Guard

Guys in your guard often let you get one of their arms across their body with an arm drag. You can use it to take his back or sweep him, as in the last move, or...

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Head and Arm Choke from Guard:
-submission

Your opponent is inside your closed guard leaning against your throat with his right forearm.
With your legs clasped around his body, press him backwards a bit and use your left hand to push his right arm to your right.
Now relax your legs to let him lean forward again and collapse his right arm across his centerline between his body and yours.
Your right arm goes under his right arm and around his neck (past his left ear from the front of his body).
Press your head against the outside of his right shoulder, preventing him from bringing his right arm back out.
Now grab your left biceps with your right hand, place your left palm against your opponent’s forehead, and squeeze your elbows together, press your head into his arm, and push him backward again with your legs for a tight choke.

Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Monday, August 29, 2005

BJJ Move #62: Arm Drag to Back Mount from Closed Guard

A general tip from a guy who taught me, leading into what the arm drag from guard is about:

A big, strong guy with good posture and strong shoulders can often be caught in an armlock or triangle, but it has to be from open guard where he extends his arm and you swivel your hips and drive them upwards, catching him unaware—you can’t lever him over with your hips from the closed guard.
If he is stiff and defensive and will pull anything out that you try, go for the arm drag from the guard (open or half guard or sitting guard). The move is so simple and you will always at least sweep him if not take his back. The arm drag capitalizes on his weakness: lack of mobility.
Don't play a closed guard with him, he'll just sit in it, you need feet in the hips, you need a solid half-guard or sitting guard. He's all about forward pressure and just laying on you. You need to make that space to allow yourself to work.

What follows is an arm drags from closed guard.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Arm Drag to Back Mount from Guard:
-reversal

Arm Drag Reversal to Back Mount from Closed Guard:
Opportunities / set-ups:
1) First, get the no-gi arm control: When trying to control your opponent’s right arm while he’s in your guard, and he isn’t wearing a gi, hold his right wrist with your left hand against your chest, trap his right arm by the elbow with your right hand, and hip up to his elbow, reducing the space for him to bend his arm and pull it away. Your butt will leave the ground.
Now, drop your hips suddenly and to the left, pulling his arms to the mat and slightly to the right, sliding your locked feet to the right so they’re over his left hip.
2) Your opponent is in your guard and is leaning on your throat with his right forearm.
Grab his right wrist / gi sleeve with your right hand, and his right elbow with your left hand.
Push your opponent back with your hips, and push his arm to your right.
Switch your right hand to grab underneath his right upper arm, securing his shoulder to your chest.
Once you’ve done the arm drag, immediately hug your chest against his right shoulder, grabbing around his back with your left hand to his left lat, trapping both of his arms across to your right, and free your right hand (if he’s holding it, you can’t pivot around him).
With your left hand/arm over his right shoulder grabbing his back or the back of his left armpit, start scooting around clockwise towards his back until you have the back mount.

"Thwart" move:
As above, but he’s holding onto your right wrist so you can’t slide around to get his back. Uncross your feet and swing your left leg to the side, rolling him over his right side and taking the cross side on his right.

Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Oil, Betting, and Bull



Read below the link for my bloggy rant on oil, news media, and bullshit in general.

Okay, you're in for it now.

So.

In Sunday's NYT Magazine, Peter Maas had an interesting, if economically very silly piece about "Peak Oil."

Basically it advanced Matthew Simmons's idea that the Saudis aren't being honest about how much oil they have and can produce (believable) and that oil is soon going to cost about three times what it does now (not so believable).
Silly, I (and many others smarter than me) say, because we can switch to alternatives, increase fuel efficiency and conservation, etc. Besides, the futures market isn't stupid, and it's not pricing 2010 oil anywhere near there.

Steven Levitt, the economist of the economist-and-writer team who wrote "Freakonomics," has a great post on his blog about the recent John Tierney column.

Tierney, emerging as quite the badass of the op-ed page, bet the Simmons $10k that oil would be under $200/barrel in 2010, adjusted for inflation.

Now, set aside that a big part of inflation is energy prices, and just realize that Simmons is saying we're going to be spending more than three times what we currently do on a barrel of oil instead of firing up some uranium reactors. No way. I mean, if Americans don't believe in evolution, how can we be afraid of mutation?
Mutation (artists's conception)

Simmons reveals (and Levitt points out) his ignorance of economics when he basically says that oil should cost more because it's so useful. In his e-mail to Levitt, he compares its utility to that of a rickshaw driver.

I took a microeconomics class with a "Marxian" economist who taught us standard micro but had ideas like this.

Marx was a very smart man. Ptolemy was even smarter, but the Sun does not go around the Earth.

Predicting what something will cost by evaluating how much it ought to cost, is, to give a little Yiddish lesson, narishkeit, bubbemeise, mishugas-- that is, foolishness, old wives' tales, craziness . . . bullshit.

Newspapers tend to be very good at reporting the basic facts of a story.
But as soon as they try to evaluate or report the details or any sort of theoretical underpinning-- legal, geopolitical, economic, medical, statistical-- they're out of their depth.

If you've ever been involved in something reported in a newspaper, you know what I mean. Even the best reporters can't get accurate details on a deadline. And aside from a very few reporters (Linda Greenhouse on the Supreme Court, for example), they don't know enough and/or feel it isn't their job to cut through the crap they're fed.

That's the praisweworthy role of BS-detecting columnists like Tierney and bloggers like Levitt. A calling to which I hope to contribute not at all.

Please, people.

This site is full of it.

BJJ Move #61: Arm Elevator Sweep from Guard

A sweep when your opponent stands up onto onto one foot while in your guard. This happens a lot when you attempt an armlock.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Arm Elevator and Sweep (to mount) with Armlock Opportunity (a/k/a arm-inside sweep):
-reversal

Use this move when your opponent lifts up one leg in the guard. If your opponent gets up on his left foot, you slide your right arm underneath his raised left leg.
At the same time, pull on his leg to bring your head to his left foot, pivoting counterclockwise on your lower back.
Using your free left hand, grab the gi sleeve / wrist of his right arm.
In one motion, pulling his right arm and raising his leg, bring your opponent on a 45-degree angle toward your left side (not right across your body, and not right past your head, but the angle halfway between).
The important step with this sweep is to use your left leg for momentum. As your bring your opponent on a 45-degree angle toward your left side, swing your left leg underneath him from left to right.
Use your right leg to kick in the direction of his head underneath his left armpit.
As your opponent is reversed onto his back, climb into the mount by rolling back and over your left shoulder.
Or, instead of climbing into mount, pull his right elbow up to about your waistline, put your left leg across his face and apply an armlock.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

BJJ Move #60: Neck Crank from Guard

Here's a nice neck crank that's easy to apply and keeps you in a very secure position throughout.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Guillotine Fake to Neck Crank or Reversal to Mount, “Crucifix” Neck Crank (from mount):
-submission

You can do this move when your opponent has his head against your chest or is somewhat low in the guard. Another opportunity is when your opponent is escaping from a guillotine (your right arm is choking him) by driving his right forearm against your throat—clear his arm to your right.
Now wrap your right arm across the back of his neck (as if you were attempting a guillotine choke) and put your right hand under his left armpit, from the front. Try to drive your right arm under his armpit to the crook of your elbow—deeper is better.
Moving your hips to the left make give you more room to drive your arm deeper. Take your left arm and put it across his back.
Clasp your right hand (which is underneath his left arm right now) palm down, to your left hand, palm up.
Pull your hands towards you, lifting up with your left hand, lowering your right arm toward your hips to crank your opponent's neck and/or shoulder.
Slide your forearms up his arm towards his elbow for more pressure on the shoulder and superior leverage; lock your feet and grab closer to his armpit to focus pressure on the neck crank.
If your opponent begins to roll over to release the pressure on his neck, you can use your right foot and bridge to the left side to reverse him (you will pull him over by his underhooked left arm).
You will end up in the mount, but do not release the hold yet. You still have a neck crank submission right here. Just apply the pressure by arching your back and pulling up and towards your body.
Instead of finishing from the mount, you can go to cross side and hook his free arm from under the front of his armpit with your right leg—sit through and crank your right fist towards the ceiling to finish. Be careful, it’s hard for him to tap from this position.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Can Somebody Take Away This Guy's PhD?

Bring in the logic probe...

So someone does a study comparing the eye movements of a few Chinese and Americans when they look at photos. Turns out that Americans look more at the subject of the photo than the Chinese, who pay more attention to the background.

Richard Nisbett, a psychologist at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor whose graduate student ran the study, says that:
Americans are looking at the focal object more quickly and spend more time looking at it. The Chinese have more saccades [jerky eye movements]. They move their eyes more, especially back and forth between the object and the [background] field.

Well, okay.
But what's it all mean, Dr. Nesbitt?


Nisbett says that any explanation for the cultural differences is, at this point, speculation. However, he and his colleagues suggest that the differences may be rooted in social practices that stretch back thousands of years.

"Westerners are taught to pay attention to objects that are important to them, to have goals that they can follow," he said. "East Asians are more likely to pay attention to the social field. ..."

Nisbett traces the origins of the variation to at least 2,500 years ago. At that time collaborative, large-scale agriculture was the primary driver of the East Asian economy. For most workers, economic survival required paying attention to the person in charge as well as co-workers in the fields. Context was important.

By contrast, ancient Greek society—the prototypical Western society—was characterized by individualistic activities, such as hunting, fishing, and small-scale farming.

The difference, Nisbett said, still holds today. East Asian societies tend to be more socially complex than Western societies. Understanding context, therefore, has more value in East Asia than in the West.


So, uh, people look at this picture...

...and Americans look at the tiger more, Chinese look at the trees more, and it tells Nisbett all that?

I have some equally plausible theories:
1) Chinese look at all parts of the picture to avoid causing them a loss of face or dishonoring the photographer's judgment feng shui judgment. Oh! Or to avoid challenging the authority of the tiger.
2) Americans focus on the tiger because we instantly see everything as a threat. There's plenty of time to cut down the trees after we kill that cat.
3) Chinese already live in harmony on the same continent as tigers, so, they're like, "No big deal. Tiger. What's the interesting thing in this picture?"
4) Americans are still daydreaming about the beginning of Europe's ascendancy, when the prototypical Western society defeated oriental despotism at Marathon. The tiger just happens to be where we stare into space.

Can somebody take away this guy's PhD?

Give 'Im Hell, Dowd!

Give 'im hell, Dowd!

"My Private Idaho" takes Dubya to task. Read it.
When we add planets #10 and #11, we can include the President's ranch as #12.
Hey! Mr. Commander-in-Chief! We're in the middle of a war! It's not going well! Look alive!

BJJ Move #59: Omo Plata

The omo plata is almost like a kimura you start from guard, then use your legs to finish instead of your hands. It's pretty powerful, and even if you can't always finish from the end, it's also a great control position.
It's a little complicated to describe, but actually not that hard to do. You may want to search Google for a picture.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Omo Plata / Chickenwing Shoulderlock Using Leg / Hiza Gatame (from guard):
-submission

Opportunities / setups:
1) From the guard, if your opponent ever puts an arm down (say, right arm) on the ground above your (here, left) shoulder, trap it by your neck/head with both hands.
2) He puts his hands on the ground near your hips.
3) He’s passing your guard and overhooks your leg (say, left leg).
4) You put your guard up high on his shoulders, until your right leg is over his left shoulder (known as the “crooked” or “climbing” guard), then force his right arm backwards (towards opponent’s back).
5) “Overhook” setup: Your opponent is in your guard and you have an overhook control with your left arm on his right arm.
Change your grip from overhook on your opponent’s right arm to hooking underneath your left leg, behind the knee (your left arm is still over opponent’s right arm but now hooks your left leg instead); your left hand can clasp your opponent’s right shoulder. Continue…
6) “Lockdown” setup: Your opponent is in your guard, and his right hand is on the ground to your left side or is near your left hip (it's not up high or on your chest).
Uncross your feet and bring your left leg, bent, up by the back of his right arm and put your left hand and forearm inside the crook of your knee from the outside, gripping your opponent's right upper arm / shoulder with your left hand.
Now clasp your right hand to your left hand, locking his right shoulder down.
At this point he may try to push your right knee down to pass, but it will be difficult for him to do it before you get the omo plata. The reason he can’t mess with your other leg is that you are trapping his shoulder tight to your body. The “lockdown” puts your opponent in a lot of danger, and without your leg inside can be used to control him from sitting guard, closed guard, or half guard. In fact you can squeeze your right leg tight against his body so it's like one side of a vee, allowing you to switch to an armlock (on his left arm if he tries to push his left arm through to get his head out), a reverse armlock (on his trapped right arm) or a triangle choke.
Your right forearm pressing against his neck is keeping his head away. Unclasp your hands.
Now, the rest of the move:
Push his head further away with your right hand, and bring your left foot underneath his jaw (you may want to use your right hand to pull on your left ankle to help put your put underneath his jaw).
Push against your opponent's left hip with your right foot to pivot you clockwise on your butt / lower back and into the position for omo plata—you sitting up, flush against his right side with your left side against him.
At the same time, put your left heel across your opponent’s back, trying to touch your heel to his opposite shoulder, trying to touch your own right knee.
Now use your left hand to hold his right elbow. Continue pivoting until you’re almost parallel to your opponent. If he resists this turn, drive your right leg out straight to bring his head down, then continue turning.
Now slide your right leg out from underneath him and come up sitting beside him facing toward his head. Your left leg now lies across the back of his right shoulder to press his elbow down into your lap.
Bend his arm into your lap for a chicken-wing shoulderlock as you hip all the way out to his side. His right hand will be palm-up at your belt buckle, arm entangled in your bent left leg.
Figure four your right knee over your left shin to keep his arm trapped.
Keep him from rolling forward with your left hand on his belt, lower back, or by hooking his near (here, right) leg. You want to keep turning until your body is alongside his, with your head facing the same way as his feet, and vice versa.
Now stand up onto your knees, leaning forward towards his head (to the left a little) to apply the pressure.
Tip: Guys with strong arms / shoulders won’t be easy to lock—grab his upper arm to your chest tight, clamping it there with your elbows; this makes the lock much faster and tighter.
Tip: You want his shoulders on the mat so you can apply the lock and so he can’t roll you back onto your back, so when you first sit up, straighten your legs to push his shoulders down.
Tip: Some opponents, however, are too strong to be pushed down by straightening your legs. There are two good ways to bring his shoulders down. First, you can scoot your butt back toward his feet. Second, you can pivot on your hips clockwise, which will take him down to his left where he’ll have no base.
Tip: It can be difficult to finish from here even once he’s down—-you may want to finish with an armlock (if he rolls over), wristlock, toehold, etc.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

BJJ Move #58: Reverse Armlock from Guard

Here's a nice guard submission. With a "reverse" armlock, your hands hyperextend your opponent's elbow by pulling toward you while you brace his wrist against your collarbone and immobilize his shoulder from either side with your legs-- as opposed to a regular armlock, where your hips hyperextend his elbow by pushing away from you, your hands hold his wrist to your chest, and your legs immobilize his shoulder by wrapping around his head and torso and pulling them back.
This tends to be a little quicker and have a little less control than a regular armlock.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Reverse Armlock (from guard) (a/k/a pressing armlock, ude gatame):
-submission

This is a very fast submission. You have your opponent in your guard, and he grabs your head with his left arm to keep your bodies close together. He may also clasp his left hand with his right hand.
Grab your own left shoulder with your right hand, trapping his left arm against your body.
Put your right foot against his left hip, and hip out to the right (your butt moves out to the right, and you turn onto your left hip).
Bring your left knee up against his chest and your right knee over his back near his left shoulder, squeezing your knees together to immobilize his left arm.
Keep your head leaning to your right shoulder to keep his arm trapped against your right trapezius, and slide back until his wrist is against your collarbone.
Keep your back slouched so there’s room to lock.
Grab around his elbow with your left hand to turn it so it faces away from your body, and fold your right forearm over his elbow, pressing the arm into your body for a reverse armlock.
Alternative setup: Your opponent puts an arm down (say, left arm) on the ground above your (right) shoulder—trap it by your neck/head.
Slide your hips out to that side (your right) and wrap your left arm around his right elbow, trapping his right wrist between your neck and left shoulder.
Clamp your knees around his left shoulder and squeeze together.
Fold your right arm over your left, both over his elbow joint and squeeze toward your chest, hyperextending his elbow joint.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Monday, August 22, 2005

BJJ Move #57: Some Armlock "Thwart" Moves

You've almost got that armlock-- and the guy's defending!
Here's a bunch of techniques for when your initial armlock attempt is "thwarted" by your opponent defending.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Some Armlock "Thwart" Moves:
-submission

These moves all start from you attempting an armlock on your opponent's right arm.

Basic Go-To Move:
First, make sure your right forearm is hooked in against his wrist, not the crook of his elbow. That gives you a lot more leverage and is more uncomfortable for him.
Now move his right arm into your right armpit and try to get your right forearm deep in near his hand.
Base out near his head with your left hand.
To attack in a direction where your opponent’s grip is weak, don’t lean straight back here; instead, lean towards his head and then swing back to being perpendicular to his body once your left shoulder is near/on the ground. This should break his grip and let you finish the armlock.

Variation:
As above, but instead, switch your left arm into his elbow-crook (move fast, your base is gone now) and put your right forearm against his right forearm to lever it towards his head as you sit that way (as above, but here your right arm is helping release his grip) towards his head, then swing back to make your body perpendicular to his and apply the armlock.

“Cow Hand” Wristlock:
When your opponent’s right elbow is bent, put your left hand underneath your right wrist and grab his right hand across the knuckles, t-stack your hands (right hand over top of left wrist) and lever his right hand down toward his forearm for a “cow hand” (downward) wristlock.

“Cow hand” wristlock #2:
Sit up and brace his right elbow against your stomach/chest.
Grab his right hand at the knuckles (for maximum leverage) with both hands, and press his palm towards his wrist for a “cow hand” (downward) wristlock.

Strip his fingers apart with your hands.

Foot Push:
Use your right foot (the one across his chest) to push his left arm away by pushing on the crook of his left elbow. This will start pulling his right shoulder straight out of the socket and he ought to let go. Then finish the armlock.+

Biceps Slicer:
Place your right forearm in the pit of his right elbow and slide your right foot over his right forearm so your right lower leg rests across it.
Pressing down on his right forearm with your right leg closes his elbow joint around your right forearm; the sharp edges of the radius and ulna in your forearm dig into his biceps and forearm near the joint, causing pain. Your forearm in there also acts as a fulcrum higher than his elbow joint, prying his forearm and upper arm away from each other, i.e., separating his elbow. The pain will make him want to stop using his left arm to pull his hand toward him, and he’ll release it, or even try to push it back straight.
Pull his right arm back as you slide your right foot off it, but watch out that he doesn’t slap you in the face as he lets go.
To use this as a submission instead of a release, base out with your left hand and triangle your left knee over your right instep, tightening down onto his right elbow joint to separate it.

Leg Jerk:
Jerk the knee of your left leg up and down on his face so he wants to let go and give you the armlock.+

Triangle Choke:
If your opponent grabs his own (right) arm when you sit back for the armlock, you can easily put him in a triangle choke.
When he grabs his own wrist to prevent the armlock, take your right leg and slide it between his arms from the bottom.
Take your right hand and put it behind his head to help raise it. He will cooperate in coming off the ground because he’s defending against the armlock.
As he comes off the ground, slide your right leg around his head/neck, and shift your hips to the right. Then fold your left leg over your right ankle, and apply the triangle choke.+

Switch to s-mount, armlock on other arm:
Opponent clasps his hands and hips out to his left to try to extract his elbow and touch it to the ground.
Post your left hand behind you and remove your left leg from your opponent’s face.
Keeping your weight centered on your opponent's upper torso, slide your hip across your opponent’s chest. You will come into a sort of s-mount with your bent right knee off the ground above your opponent’s left ear, with your right inner thigh propping his left arm up. Your right foot is flat on the ground just past his head.
Now continue coming up, rising onto the ball of your right foot and touching your right knee to the ground by his left ear. Control his left arm.
Now sit back, put your right leg over his face and armlock the left arm from his left.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Bluefin Occupation Update

Me, again, Consul Bluefin (from this post) shoutin' at ya.

Now, I know everyone hasn't gotten on board with the "with us or against us" speech I made back in June.

Insurgent killings of fish continue, and land creatures still struggle to achieve freedom and equality.

The Atlantic Province has dispatched military observers to many hot spots across the waterless realm, but do not be alarmed; they are serving in a purely advisory capacity.
Lieutenant General Swishy
General Swishy's command brought this New York Times piece to our attention today.

It seems David G. Burney, executive director of the United States Tuna Foundation, expends his efforts inciting the murder and consumption of my kind.
I'd hate to see the platform of the Anti-Tuna Foundation.

In any case, the Times' esteemed Melanie Warner points out that we Tuna are, you know, full of the deadly metal mercury.
And it's bad for you! Viz.:
Symptoms of mercury toxicity include kidney troubles, irritability, tremors, changes in vision or hearing, and memory problems.

Did you just read that?! Irritability! Tremors!
If you've been eating fish and have felt irritable, I can promise blind, deaf, amnesiac shaking is probably next. The wages of sin is tremors.

If you're of an ill-conceived viviparous body plan, eating mercury can accumulate in the tissues of your offspring during their unnatural gestation. And then, when it emerges from the artificial sea of your distended abdomen-- bad news, people.
The article does not discuss the effects of mercury on the Times' oviparous readers, but let me tell you: it's not pretty.

Mr. Burney says he is "convinced that getting mercury toxicity from tuna is impossible. While his wife was pregnant, he said, she consumed a can of albacore tuna almost every day."
Another tunacidal maniac "says his three boys, 9-year-old triplets, eat several cans of albacore a week.

He probably means his 9-year-old three-headed son.

Humans, what lies beneath these noble scales is no Chicken of the Sea. It is instead bitter death on a bed of roasted garlic couscous.

BJJ Move #56: Some Papercutter Chokes

These chokes are all variations on a theme-- your opponent is wearing a gi or some other kind of shirt, you are face-to-face on the ground with an advantageous position (usually mount or guard), and you strangle him with the fabric of his collar or lapels.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Some Papercutter Chokes:
-submission

There are three grip variations on the papercutter choke, which is done face-to-face with your opponent (e.g., mounted or guard):
1) Nami Juji Jime: Both your palms face away from you (thumb down and inside his gi) in opposite collars (your right hand grabs his right lapel, your left hand grabs his left lapel, so your hands cross).
2) Kata Juji Jie: One palm faces you, one faces away in opposite collars; otherwise like above. The palm of the hand crossing over the top of the other hand is the one that faces you.
3) Gyaku Juji Jime: Both palms face you (thumb faces up and is outside gi) in opposite collars; this is strongest grip. Finish the same way.
Apply the strangle by bending your arms at the elbows and pulling your arms apart, pushing your hands past each other. This pulls his gi collar tight around his throat.
Tip: First, grab his right lapel, thumb up, with your left hand. Use that to feed the lapel to your right. Then, grab the right lapel above your right hand with your left, and wrap your left arm around the back of his head so you’ve got the choke. This is sneakier, and so, easier, than trying to grab the second lapel with one hand.
Tip: Alternately, loosen his gi collar over his right shoulder so you can attach both hands up there. If he tries to hold you off, go to the standard armlock.
Tip: If applying the papercutter from the mount position, place your forehead on the ground above his head to increase the leverage.
Vale tudo tip: Street clothing is often strong enough to use for collar chokes.


Here's a detailed description of this choke from the mount:
From the mount, pull your opponent’s right collar open with your left hand and reach inside his right collar with your right hand, palm up. Slide your right hand in toward his neck as deep as possible; you would ideally like to touch your knuckles to the ground inside his gi.
Now reach across with your left hand, palm down and thumb inside to his left collar. Lean forward and place your forehead to the ground, giving you a better base. Apply the strangle by drawing your elbows up and back, which pulls your hands across his throat, tightening the collar around his neck.

Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

BJJ Move #55: Sleeve Choke, Fist Choke

Here are two similar ways to choke someone out from the mount.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Sleeve Choke and Fist Choke:
-submission

Sleeve Choke (gi):
You have the mount position, and you are wearing a gi or other shirt with long sleeves.
Put your right arm around the back of your opponent's head.
With your right hand, palm down, grab the cuff of the sleeve of your left arm.
Sneak your left hand across his throat.
With your left hand, palm up, grab your right sleeve.
Now tighten your grip; pivot your forearms so the bony edges face his neck and throat instead of the soft sides, reducing the space between. Do this by turning your wrists from their current positions—right palm facing down, left palm facing up--to right palm facing up, left palm facing down.
If you can’t sneak your left hand in, use your left fist to do a fist choke (below).

Fist Choke:
First, get head control: put your left arm around your opponent’s head and lean your shoulder onto his neck, turning his head to his left.
Base out to the top-right with your right hand, where your weight should be leaning.
Now hook your head next to his left ear and use it to turn his face to his right.
Do the rest of the move quickly, because you’re now vulnerable to a reversal.
Open your left hand. Make a fist w/your right hand and bring your right forearm in against the front of his throat from a 45-degree angle from the top (halfway angle between his head and shoulder) and feed it in until your fist is against his left carotid artery.
Grab your own right biceps with your left hand.
Squeeze for a choke.

Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Correct Myself Before I Wreck Myself

To anyone who's been reading my blog for news:

Hey. Stop laughing. Really. There's some hard-hitting snark-o-torial content he-- fine.

Anyway.

It sounds like my post on "Able Danger" ID'ing 4 of the hijackers well before 9/11 was based on so much partisan nonsense.

Next time a Congressman tells you a story, check for your wallet and count your fingers and vital organs.

The fact that the AP and the NYT picked it up, too, is no excuse. I'm firing the reporter who brought me that one.

Brokk!!!, destroy him!

BJJ Move #54: BJJ-Style Rear Trip (Tani Otoshi)

This takedown is a simple and no-nonsense way to get you and your opponent to the ground, where you (hopefully) have an advantage.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

BJJ-Style Rear Trip (Tani Otoshi):
-takedown

You execute this move from behind your opponent, clasping your hands together around the front of his waist (a "rear clinch") and pressing your chest and left cheek against his back.
You can get to a rear clinch in a variety of ways, including a duck under (described in a later post) or just rushing in under his hands to grab around his waist.
Now step to his left, pull his hips tight against yours, squat a bit, straighten your right leg behind him and sit down onto your butt, collapsing your left leg.
Your right thigh should hit the ground first. You aren’t tripping him over your leg. Instead, he’s going to come down with you as you sit your weight down and fall toward your right side, and you’ll pivot over your right leg to take the mount.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Add to my Amazon Wish List: Brokk!!!

Add this bad boy to my Amazon Wish List-- the Brokk 330 Remote Controlled Demolition Robot.
Or, as I'll call him, "Brokk!!!", like the cry of a pterodactyl (in the movies, anyway). And, uh, let's imagine he moves on his own, instead of by RC.

A 5 ton robot with a range of dangerous tools on the end of its menacing neck. Just what my life is missing.
Examples of uses for the Brokk 330 are demolishing bank vaults, cleaning slag in blast furnaces, major building demolitions, cement kiln demolition and waste handling in the nuclear industry.

SCENE: Litvak is wearing a cape, boots, and a helmet with a built-in widow's peak, and is accompanied by Brokk!!! (maybe painted in glossy black).
Litvak: So, friend, what do you say we go demolish a bank vault?
Brokk!!!: Brokk!!! Brokk!!!

[Bank guards arrive at the scene]
Bank guards: Freeze!
Litvak: Step aside, officers. Brokk!!! is wary of strangers.
Brokk!!!: BROKK!!!
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ok, it gets better. Brokk!!! can have various things attached to its neck/arm thingy:
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.
.
.
A hydraulic breaker,
.
.
.
.
.
a concrete crusher,
.
.
.
.
.
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a grapple (think fanged maw),
.
.
.
.
...plus things like "drilling equipment, cutters, steel shears, etc."
I'm getting all giddy.
This is better than a rockwheel (see bottom of post).

SHPOSes: This Means War

Yesterday some SHPOSes broke into my apartment building in the middle of the day and robbed all three units.
They pried open the doors with a crowbar (bending the doors and popping off the deadbolts . . . except for our unit, b/c we didn't lock the deadbolt) and turned the rooms upside down.
They emptied our drawers all over the place, they took my fig tree out of its pot (no, f***ers, that's not where I keep my dubloons, a pox on ye), they looked under the mattresses.

They took jewelry (I don't own any, so didn't lose any), power tools (ditto), laptops (not so lucky there...), a PlayStation, and checkbooks (no great loss).
And the lowlifes stole my box of Oreos that I had sitting on the counter.

I know I've criticized SHPOSes here and here, and suggested a rather draconian solution to their conduct here, but, hey, SHPOSes: Back the f*** off.
You think you're the guys from "Heat"? No. You're the guys from "Cops".
Crawl back into your hole (and die).

Seems the burlgar(s?) were modestly competent:
-They took only specified types of booty, leaving gem cases full of CDs, DVD players, DVDs, stereos, digital cameras, desktop computers, passports, liquor;
-They seem to have cased the apartment: people are home 3 or 4 of the weekdays, and they came after the mailman;
-They wore gloves (says the fingerprint guy);
-They broke open file cabinets and apparently just took out jewelry appraisals, then searched that unit for the jewelry. Well, don't that beat all, someone taught a SHPOS to read!

My only losses were the cookies, checks, an old laptop, and a less old laptop. And I think a Brookstone "monocular" I had in a little case.

I figure they have a fence for the electronics and jewelry, have some scam with the checks, and will keep the power tools and monocular for more B&E fun. And they probably ate my Oreos.

Note to the people at Nabisco: They took my Oreos, but left the "Golden Oreos" (non-chocolate Oreos) in my neighbors' apartment. Those things are vile. Oreos without chocolate? May as well make Nestle Quik in "Just Plain Sugar" flavor. Yecch.

Of course I hadn't backed up all the photos, music, software, and everything I've written on a computer since ... I don't even want to think about it. Instead, I want to think about how long I could keep them alive and conscious, bound with wire to chairs in my shower stall while I made the rest of their lives so unpleasant they'd be sighing in relief when I finally sent them to hell.
In the shower stall, because, you know, of course, there'd be an awful mess before I was done.
And my roommate lost a much nicer computer, and had no renter's insurance. I assume he'd want some time with bamboo slivers and rubbing alcohol before I tried my thing with the fire ants, the Barry Manilow CD, and the burlap sack full of angry rats.

The cops from the 76th precinct who responded were friendly and competent, as were the detectives who came by this morning.
They suggested an alarm and new locks.

I want the landlord the put in the moat from "The Beastmaster" (check out this link, too).
One that looks like the surrounding ground but is actually a coated in flammable oil, coated in dirt. Take that, Jun horde.
Oh, and also from "The Beastmaster," I think my landlord should line the corridors with prison cells occupied by wildly flailing spike-covered maniacs.


SHPOSes: This Means War.

BJJ Move #53: S-Mount and submissions

The "S-Mount" is a way to open your opponent up to more strikes and submissions if you already have the mount, especially in a vale tudo ("anything goes") context.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

"S-Mount" and Submissions:
-position
-submissions

From the mount, get “head control:” put your left arm under your opponent’s head (elbow pointing out to your left, forearm behind his neck, shoulder across his face) and use pressure with your shoulder to turn his head to his left (your right). Getting head control is critical to making things happen from the mount. This means your opponent can only effectively move his hips to his right, which makes it hard for him to escape.
Now, place your right hand on the ground under his left elbow wit your forearm pressed up beneath his elbow, and “walk it” (crawl with your fingers) up towards his head in a circular motion, forcing his elbow up toward his head.
Slide your right knee under his left upper arm to keep it in place. Your right foot is folded under your butt, and the top of your right thigh is pressed under his left upper arm by the shoulder.
Now go to an “S-Mount:” First, lean your weight over your right thigh a bit. With both hands, pull up on the back of his head to keep him from bridging. Now turn your hips out to the right (counterclockwise) so your weight is on your left thigh on his chest, your left leg is bent at the knee and your left thigh lies across his chest with your left sole facing forward. Your right knee points up and right foot is planted on the ground outside his left ear (or: your right leg stays more or less where is was).
His left arm should be stuck up between your legs. From here, you can do a neck crank by grabbing behind your opponent’s head with both hands and pulling up and forward (keep your weight on his chest so he can’t sit up, so his neck will hyperextend).
You can also do an armlock: his left arm should be up between your legs and against your body from when you propped it up on your right leg—just slide your right leg over his face and fall back to your right for an armlock.


Vale Tudo Mount to S-Mount
If you have the mount in a vale tudo situation, slide up high near your opponent’s armpits if you’re going to punch or you’ll be bumped off when he bridges his hips.
With your left hand, press his chin to his left or grab behind his neck—-then you can punch him in the face with your right hand.
When he puts an arm (say, his left) across his face to protect against punches, secure a “giftwrap” hold: Use your left hand to grab his left wrist with your thumb facing his elbow, holding his left hand to the ground. Put your right hand beneath his neck from under his left ear and grab his left wrist with your right hand (thumb faces his elbow, use your thumb for this grip). His left arm is now pinned across his head (“giftwrap”).
Now move to an "s-mount" as above, sliding your right leg under his left upper arm to keep it in place; turning your hips counterclockwise so they face across his body; lying your left leg across his chest, bent at the knee, the sole of your left foot pointing out in the direction past his head; balancing your weight on the outside of your left thigh on his chest.
Punch his face again with your left hand, or hook his left arm, which is now sticking up between your legs, and apply an armlock as above.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Monday, August 15, 2005

BJJ Move #52: Cross Side Neck Cranks

From cross side, there are a number of ways to hyperextend your opponent's neck. Needless to say, you have to really watch for a tap here even more than for a choke or lock on a limb to avoid injuring someone's neck.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Cross Side Neck Cranks:
-submission

1) Neck Crank #1:
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Release your hands and sneak your right hand up your opponent’s chest, moving it toward his head.
With your left upper arm still behind his head, clasp your left hand over your right hand.
Turn onto your right hip (“switch your base”), pull his head forward towards his belly with your left forearm, and fold your right forearm in parallel to your left so it’s across his throat, forming the fulcrum for a very uncomfortable neck crank / choke.
Do not pull your opponent’s back off the ground, just lift his neck.
It is difficult to get Neck Crank #1 without moving your opponent’s right arm out of the way; he will use it to block the neck crank.
From side mount on your opponent’s right, switch to knee on belly, right knee on his stomach.
Now slide your left shin over his right arm and back into side mount and apply the neck crank.

2) Neck Crank #2:
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Plant your left hand on the ground and use your right arm to hook under your opponent’s right arm as close to the armpit as possible (from under his right arm on the outside to over his chest from his armpit).
Get to your knees, moving about 45 degrees toward the North & South position.
Wrap your left arm behind your opponent’s head (under his head from his right and then over his neck from his left) and place it palm down into your right hand, clasping them together.
Now push forward towards your opponent’s feet, levering his chin towards his chest (by raising your left arm / elbow-crook against the back of his neck) for a neck crank.

3) Neck Crank #3:
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Your right arm goes under his left armpit with your right shoulder pretty far across his chest, to hold his weight down. A good opportunity for this move is when your opponent lifts his head off the ground.
Wrap your left arm around his head guillotine-style (from his left ear, behind his head, to his right ear, with your hand near your own left ribs/hip). If you are wearing a gi, grab your own right lapel with your left hand to make your grip much stronger.
Wrap your right arm under his left arm in a tight underhook, bringing your right hand toward your own left shoulder.
Keeping your weight on his ribcage to keep him from sitting up with you, switch your hips out so your right hip is on the mat and feet are off to your left, facing past his head.
Pull his head with your left arm up off the mat and turn to look over your own left shoulder for a neck crank.
The neck crank is tighter if you grab around his chin.
Do not pull your opponent’s back off the ground; just lift his neck.

4) Neck Crank #4:
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Get good shoulder pressure on his head to turn it to his left.
With your left hand, grasp underneath his left shoulder.
Use your right hand to move his right elbow and push it to your left, then use your left knee to push it farther left, so it’s next to his head (as long as your knee’s back in close and it’s on the left of your leg, it’s out of the way, and OK). You can also clear his knee several other ways, such as using your right knee, then your left knee (especially if his arm is up on his body); hipping out; etc.
Move your left hand, in a fist, onto the top of his left shoulder, and touch it to the ground just below his armpit. Move your left knee underneath his neck.
Now use your right hand against the back of his neck to draw his head towards the right side of your own chest, like bringing a baby to nurse, for a neck crank.

5) Neck Crank #5: Inverted Guillotine from North & South
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Release his head with your left arm, and grab around his head ‘guillotine-style’ (from his left ear, behind his head, to his right ear, with your hand near your own left ribs/hip).
Circle clockwise until you are at the North & South position, and grab your own right biceps with your left hand.
Squeeze and lean your ribcage to the left against his head for a neck crank / choke.

6) Neck Crank #5 Variation:
You have cross side on your opponent's right side, with the "underclasp" grip around his head and left arm (“mune gatame”).
Switch your hands so your left hand holds onto his left arm and your right hand blocks his right hip on the ground (“overclasp”).
Circle clockwise towards north & south and slide your left arm underneath your opponent’s head going under his left ear.
Grab your own left wrist with your right hand, thumb on the outside, in a sort of reverse guillotine grip. Your torso should still be on the side of his head beside his right ear.
Keep your weight as close to the mat as possible, draw his head in toward you, and turn a little bit onto the left side of your ribs for a tight choke / neck crank.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Other Army


Daniel Bergner's piece in the NYT Magazine, "The Other Army," is one of the most interesting thing I've read in weeks. It's an article about "private security companies" in Iraq-- basically, former U.S. Special Operations forces working as mercenaries.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

BJJ Move #51: Scarf Hold Defense and Escapes

What to do when someone puts you in a scarf hold. Even though you may find it's not such a good idea to put someone experienced in this technique, people will often put you in it, so the escapes are important.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Scarf Hold Defense and Escapes:
-defense
-reversal

Tips:
Your opponent has you in scarf hold on your right; try to get your right elbow against your side and on the ground.


Escapes:

1) Head high: Arm brace, hook head with leg
If his head is not tightly against you then sneak your left forearm against his neck, brace your left wrist with your right hand and push him away enough so your left leg can hook his head.
Use your legs to drive his head back, rolling him onto his back. Come up onto your knees and take cross side. He may still be grabbing your head, but now you are on top and in control.

2) Head low: Hook leg
Try this escape when your opponent’s head is low to keep you from sneaking your forearm in (and also better if his legs are low, meaning, near your body).
Turn onto your right shoulder (this keeps him from controlling your right arm). Throw your left arm over his back to grab his left shoulder. Throw your left leg over his left leg, hooking it.
From here you can pull yourself around the left to his back.
If his right arm is still around your neck, you can do a chickenwing shoulderlock: Use your left shoulder to pin down his right shoulder and drive it into the ground, then use your right hand grip on his right wrist to chickenwing him by pulling his hand behind him and back up towards his right ear—-this will release his grip on your head and submit him. Or just choke him.

3) Legs far: Turn to knees
If his legs are away from you (or balled up near him), hook his left shoulder with your left hand and get your hips far away from him and get on your right side as much as you can.
Then turn on to your knees and drive forward. Base out on your right hand. If he lets the headlock go, simply take the back mount.
Otherwise, extend your left leg behind you and pull him backwards onto his left side. Come around to a cross side on his right.

4) Legs far: Roll over
Your opponent is now controlling your right arm in his left armpit in a proper kesa gatame.
Lock your hands around his ribs.
Try to turn to your right onto your knees (or at least scoot your entire body close to that of your opponent). This will make your opponent lean more weight onto you.
Now quickly bridge in the other direction (to your left), rolling him over you and taking the cross side on his right.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Home Game #3 Recap

Last night was Big Game of Brooklyn Rooftop Poker #3.
We were back on the roof after the last home game was forced inside by rain.

More beer, more Zaytoons, more low-stakes poker action.

I ducked out of work, grabbed some chips from the supermarket, and set up the rooftop casino. Huh. Maybe I'll post pics next time.

I'd planned to play HOS (a hand of hold 'em, a hand of Omaha/8, then a hand of 7 card stud). Downstairs neighbor and card shark Underground (because he lives on the floor beneath me) came by early and we played some no-limit Texas Hold Em hands (my first) for play money chips. It's kinda hard!

Then Old Testament showed up. We bought in for our regular budget-busting $5 stakes and played three hands of HOS. Honestly, it took us about a minute to figure out who had the best Omaha/8 hand.

The sandwiches arrived.
Tenderfoot came by and expressed her distaste for gambling.
We started to watch the "sex ed" episode of "South Park."
Spoiler: Kenny dies.

Evenstar, Bootlegger, and Iron Maiden showed up, and we watched the rest of the episode and ate our sandwiches.

Surprise guests Smokin! and Totalis came by. By this time we had stuffed the fridge with beer. Next week I'll ask people not to bring.

So!

We all climbed up to the roof, set up, bought in, and started playing. This week's big improvement: a bowl to hold the chips we put in the pot.

Also: We dealt and played the game clockwise, just like Hoyle's says to.

I layed down the house rules: no beer on the table and no kicking the table by accident. I policed both rules like a fascist, then quickly broke them both.
They're more like guides for my own self-improvement. I should have included
"Don't let The Litvak raise on the river in this game without the nuts."

Table was me, then (clockwise) Evenstar, Bootlegger, Old Testament, Underground, Iron Maiden, Smokin!, and Totalis.

John, Tenderfoot's ex-co-worker who lives nearby, came up after a bit. John's roof is much bigger and grander than mine. Great views of Manhattan and Brooklyn. Plus, he's a class act. I'll get him a nickname ASAP.

Poker was played.

Either Evenstar or Iron Maiden said "Punani," but I think she heard it on Ali G, not from hanging out with sailors.

Bootlegger and Old Testament did okay, I could tell they were thinking pretty hard. They're ready to move up to $0.50/$1.00 with the heavy hitters.

Hard to tell who had good or bad cards, I don't think we had more than 20 hands.
Still, Underground did a good job of taking some pots and mucking lousy starting hands. I wish I had a little more self control. It's hard to care in a $0.10-$0.25 game-- I raise when I know I've lost just because losing's so cheap.

Iron Maiden's poker face got better through the evening. First, when her cards looked good, she'd sit up straight, lean forward, grin from ear to ear and bob her cards up and down. Still, she seemed to stop and took some pots.

Smokin! kept trying to raise after his bet had been called all the way around the table. He just has too much gamble in him for the limit game. God bless you, man.

I got peeved when Totalis tried to turn over my mucked hand. It would, like, totally give away the intricacies of my strategy. Tenderfoot teased me. Then we all bonded over Totalis's tragic story of playing high school basketball ... before his hoop dreams were shattered by a debilitating case of "White Man's Disease," which limited his vertical leap to something like standing on tiptoes.

My roommate Guile (after the Street Fighter character... I dunno) came by with some cookies he'd baked with his girlfriend. I felt just like Bugsy Siegel raising $0.10 into a $0.40 pot while eating a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie.

Car Bomb (kinda rhymes with her name) came by from Prospect Heights looking for a game of spades but didn't want to play poker. She spent some time cracking jokes and catching up. How often do the Manha'anites come out to visit us in the BK?

That is all. Stay tuned for next week's recap!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

BJJ Move #50: Americana from Scarf Hold

Here's a fun submission from the scarf hold-- an Americana using your leg.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Americana from Scarf Hold:
-submission

You have your opponent in a scarf hold (a/k/a kesa gatame) on his right side.
If his right arm is wide open for the taking, use your left hand to pin his wrist to the ground.
Your right arm continues to control his head.
His right arm is bent at ninety degrees; shift your body position so that you are leaning onto your right side.
Slide your right knee under his right arm (you may have to allow his arm off the ground for a moment to get your leg under it).
Put your right inner thigh against his upper arm.
Now bring your lower leg up and over the top of his forearm.
Figure four your left knee over your right ankle.
Pull up on his head so he can’t bridge to escape. Thrust your hips forward to finish.
This submission feels exactly like an Americana on the shoulder and elbow.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Military Techies Knew of Al Qaeda "Brooklyn Cell" in 2000

So NYT is reporting that a secret military intelligence unit called "Able Danger" had identified four of the 9/11 hijackers as potential Al Qaeda members back in the summer of 2000.
They wanted to tell the F.B.I. about the "Brooklyn Cell," but didn't...

Under American law, United States citizens and green-card holders may not be singled out in intelligence-collection operations by the military or intelligence agencies. That protection does not extend to visa holders, but [Kurt] Weldon [(R-Pennsylvania)] and the former intelligence official said it might have reinforced a sense of discomfort common before Sept. 11 about sharing intelligence information with a law enforcement agency.

The article gives a superficial description of the "data mining" approach used to ID the terrorists, and it sounds a lot like what the Germans used to find the Red Army Faction terrorists back in the '70s.
C'mon, Google... here we go (very cool piece, by the way).

How does Brooklyn fit in?

The official said the link to Brooklyn was meant as a term of art rather than to be interpreted literally, saying that the unit had produced no firm evidence linking the men to the borough of New York City but that a computer analysis seeking to establish patterns in links between the four men had found that "the software put them all together in Brooklyn."

Oh, that's comforting.

Compy: Lieutenant, I've found the terrorists in Brooklyn.

Lt.: A Brooklyn cell? Do you mean that as a term of art?

Compy: I'm ten times smarter than you, but I have no legs. So you, go to Brooklyn and kill these f***ers. Here's the address. Godspeed.

Lt.: Let me get the colonel over here. Colonel!

Colonel: So, Compy, you've finished your data mining?

Compy: All data point to Brooklyn. Go to this address and waste these guys. Here are their pictures.

Colonel: Whoa, better not go interpreting things literally. Lieutenant, label this the "Al Qaeda Cell 'Brooklyn,'" or AQCB.

Lieutenant: May I suggest ABC?

Colonel: Excellent. Then file it.

Lieutenant: Should we tell the F.B.I. in New York?

Compy: Yes! Tell...

Colonel: ...No, I'm concerned about offending people with valid visas. Hey, Compy, how's my project going?

Compy: Uh, yeah. I've located fourteen attractive single women who're attracted to programmers with crewcuts.

Colonel: Excellent. That is all.

Compy: What about Atta? Why did I even bother looking for these people?

Lieutenant: Sorry to pull rank, Compy, but make me another latte. And load Donkey Kong.

BJJ Move #49: Scarf Hold (a/k/a Kesa Gatame)

This isn't the greatest position, because there are a number of effective escapes, and an opponent who escapes can take your back or get other advantageous positions.
Still, it can be a hold-down against someone inexperienced, you may want to use it when someone's starting to squirm out of cross side, and you may just end up with it by chance. In any case, you need to know it to know how to get out of it.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Scarf Hold (a/k/a Kesa Gatame):
-position

Your opponent is lying on his back. Sitting to his right, you lay his right arm across your lap. Your right arm goes around his head, from front to back around the left side of his head. Your left arm goes over his right arm, pinning it to your body or into your armpit, and clasps your right hand. Your butt is up near his ribs on his right side. Your ribcage rests against his, with your arms pulling his neck forward, to make the pressure uncomfortable.
Your legs are slightly bent, and you want your feet to be not too close to his (or he’ll escape), and you don’t want to be sitting up too straight (or he’ll roll you over backwards). You don’t want to be too hunched over toward your feet, either, or he’ll get to his knees and take your back.
All that said, you can control someone from this position and do some submissions. It’s also a good position to use when someone’s scooting out of cross side.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
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Monday, August 08, 2005

BJJ Move #48: In Mount

When someone's got you in the mount. Some tips.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

In Mount:
-position

· This isn’t the worst position—rolling over onto your belly will give him your back, which is worse. Don’t do that.
· Keep your elbows bent and against your body, hands protecting your face. If you raise your elbows, you’ll get armlocked or choked.
· Keep your legs flat against the ground (to keep him from ‘grapevining’ you).
· Keep your back flat on the ground—-you don’t want to expose your neck or back.
· Don't let the guy get the hooks in.
· Try to trap the arm and leg on the same side (for the “upa”).
· Always go for the "upa" first. Then try other reversals.
· The knee/elbow escapes also work very well.
· If he starts to punch you, knock his hips forward with one of your knees.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Friday, August 05, 2005

BJJ Move #47: In Guard

Tips for when you are inside someone's guard.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

In Guard:
-position

· You can’t submit your opponent effectively from here, so don’t try to choke him with your forearm or bend his wrists. Work on passing the guard. In a fight, you can pick him up and slam him, or punch him from inside the guard, but submissions aren’t practical, and watch out for his submissions and sweeps.
· Don't rise up on your feet (you’ll get swept).
· Don't let him hold you against his chest (you’ll get choked or swept); sit up straight.
· Don’t let your opponent put one of your arms in his guard and the other outside (you’ll get triangle choked).
· Don’t put your hands on the ground above (you’ll get armlocked) OR below (armlocked or shoulderlocked) his shoulders.
· Put one hand on his chest with that shoulder turned toward him while sitting up, to keep him from sitting up (and doing an ‘up-and-over’), but don’t press down on his chest with strength and a straight arm (you’ll get armlocked).


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

NYT's Crush on Blogs, Part 2

Now, NYT, I've teased you before about your schoolgirl crush on blogs.

But this editorial is just ridiculous.

First, there's your self-consciously goofy math:
If the blogosphere continues to expand at this rate, every person who has Internet access will be a blogger before long, if not an actual reader of blogs.

NYT, you don't have to pretend to be bad at math to get boys to like you!
Besides, that's a lame rip-off of my earlier post in the same vein.

NYT, quit copying me!

Anyway.

Then comes your teasing:
The conventional media - this very newspaper, for instance - have often discussed the growing impact of blogging on the coverage of news. Perhaps the strongest indicator of the importance of blogdom isn't those discussions themselves, but the extent to which media outlets are creating blogs - or bloglike manifestations - of their own.
That is the serious side of the blogosphere. But blogs are often just a way of making oneself appear on the Internet. It's like a closed-circuit video camera that catches a glimpse of you walking by an electronics store window filled with televisions. There you are in all your glory, suddenly, if not forever, mediated.

This very newspaper??! Oh, wow! Are blogs that important?
Oh, wait, no-- bloggers are a bunch of yokels who think putting some garbage on the Internet means they're important. You say writing a blog is basically staring at your reflection ("in all your glory").
And blogs' importance, if any? It's in the lame "bloglike manifestatons" of media outlets blogs have inspired.

NYT, I suppose if you wrote a sonnet about me, that'd be my importance, right?
What do you mean, why would you write a sonnet about me? I see you scribbling in your notepad and hiding it when I come by. So, back to what I was saying.
You say bloggers' output isn't really important, like that of, oh, I dunno, print journalists. Their bloglike contributions to "reifying the ephemeral daily conversation that humans engage in" are much more lasting and substantial.
No? Well that's what it sounded like you were saying!

NYT, my feelings would be hurt if (1) I thought anyone read this blog besides you and my friends, and (2) I didn't know you tease 'cause you have the hots for me.

What? Everyone knows.
Really? Then why are you blushing? Yes, you are. No, I will not "shut up."
Fine, then! Run off! You'll be back!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

BJJ Move #46: Triangle Choke Defense and Escape


Here's what you can do when someone's trying to do a triangle choke on you.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Triangle Choke Defense and Escape:
-defense
-escape

1) Escape from Triangle Choke #1:
If you notice the choke before his legs are clasped, simply stand up and try to shake and pull his legs off your head and free your trapped arm.
Don't fall to your side when caught in this choke: it will only make things worse.
Your right arm is inside his legs.
If you’re caught inside his trapped legs (right arm inside), but your left arm isn’t completely outside, use it to prop a space between his legs and hip so you won't get so compressed.
Posture up-—sit up with your back as straight as possible and do not bend your neck forward; try to look to the ceiling.
Slide your knees deep under his butt / back to get your hips under his hips. This part is critical. You want his hips off the ground and immobilized by your own hips pressing him up in a kind of helpless position where his hips and lower back are resting on the tops of your thighs.
If your left arm is completely outside, grab the top of your right wrist and bring your right elbow in tight to your right hip, making an “L” with your forearms (they meet at 90 degrees); this should stop him from hipping around to tighten the grip he has with his legs.
Draw your right elbow toward your own right hip.
Stand up one leg at a time, back straight, and turn your shoulders and hips (clockwise, and pressing on his left hip) to break his legs open, or shake his legs off.
Thrust your hips forward and pass to cross side.


2) Escape from Triangle Choke #2:
You’re not in such a good position-—your arm that’s “in” (here, right) is trapped by his left shoulder.
Push it deep across his “same-side” shoulder (your right arm reaches across his left shoulder) to grab his trapezius muscle, while your “outside” arm (here, left) arm grabs his right hip/butt; circle on your feet clockwise until you can step your left foot over his head, breaking the triangle open.


3) Escape from Triangle Choke #3:
You’re not in such a good position—-your arm that’s “in” (here, right) is already across the centerline.
Push it deep across his shoulder (your right arm reaches across his right shoulder) to grab his trapezius muscle, while your “outside” arm (here, left) arm grabs his left hip/butt from under his waist; circle on feet counter-clockwise, pressing against his throat with your right forearm and a lot of weight, until his legs break open and you can take cross side.


4) Escape from Triangle Choke #4:
Your right arm is inside, all the way across your face. This is the last-ditch escape.
Grab the top of his right knee with both hands and push forward to the ground, pinning his right leg to the mat with your left shoulder / trapezius.
Press against his knee-crook and calf to pop his legs open, then pull your right arm out and back off (or take cross side if he isn’t paying attention).


5) Escape from Triangle Choke #5:
Your right arm is inside. Clasp your hands on the outside of his left hip, roll onto your right side to pin his left leg to the ground, and push his right leg open with your left arm/shoulder.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Coolest Uncool Web-Based Game


Geosense is a free online geography game. There's a map (of the world, Europe, or the U.S.), and you have ten seconds to click on a locale's location before the next round. Higher scores for clicking closer. Ten rounds, and you can play alone or against an opponent.
So dorky. So excellent.

BJJ Move #45: Armlock Defense and Escape

Here's what you can do when someone's trying to do an armlock on you.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Armlock Defense and Escape:
-defense
-escape

Armlock Escape Basics:
Always lock the proper grip (opponent attacking right arm):
Drive your right elbow high in the air, so your opponent can’t get leverage.
Make a fist with your right hand and fold the crease of your left elbow over it, preventing him from pulling your right forearm tight to his chest (this gives you some angle to work with).
Clasp your opponent’s left leg with your left hand (or underneath his left leg if you were fast enough).


Turning Escape #1:
Your opponent is trying to lock your right arm; get the basic defensive position (above).
Walk your legs so they are in line with your opponent’s legs, so he has your right arm at 11 o'clock.
Open your grip and throw your right fist over your head, right arm bent (your right forearm will drape over his left thigh).
Simultaneously spin to your knees (over your left side) and pull your right arm out so your hand clasps his leg.
If your opponent falls to the side, keep your head tight to his thigh and pass to cross side; if he tries to get to his knees and continue to attack the arm, keep your head tight to his thigh/side as you take the back.


Turning Escape #2 (to half mount / in half guard)
Your opponent is trying to lock your right arm; get the basic defensive position (above).
Drive your right shoulder and elbow up (not down) to the sky.
With your left elbow, push his right foot down towards your feet and trap it with your own left foot (if possible).
If you’ve managed to hook him with your foot, turn over your right shoulder and go to “in half guard.”
Otherwise, turn over your right shoulder and go to “in guard,” pulling your right elbow to the floor.


Turning Escape #3:
Your opponent is trying to lock your right arm, and you have clasped your hands together.
Using both of your clasped hands, push his left leg off your face (keep your grip).
Now push yourself in the direction of your head with your feet, bridging your head onto the ground a bit past his left leg (this will block his left leg from coming over your head again).
Now spin toward your opponent (onto your right shoulder), coming up onto your knees and into your opponent’s guard.


Stack Escape:
Your opponent is trying to lock your right arm; he uses both arms to attack your arm to get to the leverage to finish your right arm.
Get the basic defensive position.
Bridge over your right shoulder, driving him onto his left side (if he posts his left arm and forgoes his grip, do the first turning escape).
Spin to your knees.
Post your right leg and post on your left hand (right arm still locked in place by hooking in your left arm) if you need the help getting up.
Your opponent is now on his back; post your right knee behind his butt so he can’t extend his legs and put you down again.
Bring his knees to his nose by stacking: Lean your weight onto his thighs, pressing them into his head.
Circle clockwise toward his head, keeping your weight on his knees to press them into his face—the important thing is to keep him from extending his legs and hips to armlock you.
Be patient, watch your balance and, when your knees are by his head and he’s well-stacked, in a series of short jerks, free your arm.
Pull your right arm out, flip his legs past and take cross side.


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Don't Un-Planet Pluto!

Does the NYT Editorial page have to weigh in on everything? Here they argue against the suggestion of Caltech astronomer Michael Brown--who's discovered two icy balls orbiting the sun farther out than Pluto-- that we call these things planets.
The NYT thinks we should stop calling icy balls like Pluto planets, and remove Pluto from the list of planets.
So the mnemonic would go: "My very educated mother just served us nine"?
Pluto would be un-planeted?
I don't even want to address the argument.
NYT, you have, really, no authority here. I want Pluto to remain a planet, along with icy balls Michaelbrownrocks and Litvak Prime.

BJJ Move #44: Kneebar (hiza gatame) - 5 setups

These moves hyperextend the knee joint.

This move can also be used from a variety of positions.

Be careful when applying leg submissions-- the hyperextension happens suddenly and can really hurt someone's joints badly. Tap early, submit slowly.

WARNING! These techniques could result in serious injury or death if practiced incorrectly or even if performed correctly. They should only be practiced with the supervision of an experienced instructor.

Kneebar (hiza gatame) - 5 setups:
-submission

1) Kneebar, Inside Spin:
Opportunities: When you break your opponent’s guard, push down on his right knee to make his left leg light. Or, if instead of letting you sit back in the guard to get the anklelock or heel hook, your opponent pulls you back toward him. Go in the direction you are being pulled into a spinning kneebar:
Make sure that you are on your toes, and have your right foot right up near your opponent’s butt.
Grab his left leg from underneath with your right arm (underhook) with your upper arm pressing on his calf and your right hand grabbing the front of his knee, straightening out his left leg.
Use your left hand to push his right knee out.
Spin clockwise on your right foot, bringing your left leg over and across his left leg and hook his left leg as you spin around into the kneebar.
Or, instead of “spinning,” drive your left knee across his left thigh at the hip (your left leg is sharply bent). With this approach, your left instep will be hooked over the front of his left hip and your right leg will be hooked around the inside of his left leg and your right instep will hook under the back of his right knee.
Be sure to be “deep” enough, so your hips are beneath his knee, not on it. In fact, the higher his knee, the better (you want your hips right above his left hip joint). You can fall to either side to finish, but you need to lay on a side, not your back, if you are going to arch your back and finish. Squeeze your knees together tight to keep him from wiggling out, and wrap your arms around his foot, clasping it to your chest. Arch your back and press your hips into his thigh beneath the knee joint.


2) Kneebar, Outside Spin:
While standing in your opponent’s open guard, control his right leg.
Place your left foot between his legs and step back and clockwise with your right, turning your back to him and bringing your right foot over his right leg and next to his right hip.
At the same time, sit on his hip so your pelvis is right up against his right hip where his thigh attaches. Wrap your legs around the back of his right leg, fold your arms across your chest while imprisoning his right leg at the achilles’ tendon, and fall to your right side.
Now arch your back, press your hips forward (against his thigh above his knee), pull your arms to your chest and drive your legs backward for a kneebar.


3) Near Leg Kneebar from Cross Side:
You have cross side on your opponent’s right side, and he has placed his right foot on his left knee to keep his right knee in close (called the “footie” defense, used to keep you from mounting him and to assist his escape to guard).
Use your left arm to grab his right knee in tight to your body, rise up onto your left foot, keeping it very close to his butt, and plant your left hand on the ground on your opponent’s left side.
Slide your left knee between his legs from the top.
Now fall back perpendicular to your opponent while pressing your right foot against his left inner thigh, pinching your knees tightly together, and clasping your hands together to trap his right heel by your right shoulder. Kneebar.


4) Far Near Leg Kneebar from Cross Side:
You have cross side on your opponent’s right side.
Use your right hand to scoop his left leg just above the knee.
At the same time, plant your right foot between his legs, then swing your left foot over his body to rest on the outside of his left leg.
Grab his left ankle with both hands, sit back, straightening out his leg. Make sure to clamp your legs together tight, and arch your hips into the knee joint holding the ankle tight against your chest.


5) Kneebar on Opponent Standing in Closed Guard: (somewhat more advanced move)
With your opponent standing in your closed guard, put your right arm inside, then outside his left ankle (“underhook”).
Release your feet, drop your hips a little and, keeping your hips up in the air, turn on your shoulders counterclockwise so your stomach faces your opponent’s left kneecap, folding your right knee inside his legs against his crotch and swinging your left leg around the outside of his left leg / butt.
Trap him tight with your legs, keep your head on the outside of his left foot (his foot goes beside your right ear, up past your shoulder) and your hip against his thigh above the knee.
Thrust your hips upward to topple him over to his back and pull for the kneebar. Keep your knees clamped tightly together. This combines well with an armlock against an opponent standing in your closed guard (will be described in later post).


Comments? Please feel free to point out mistakes, describe tips on the techniques, suggest ways to make the descriptions clearer, etc.
Click here to go to the list of my BJJ move posts.