Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Astronauts

Astronaut's Stalker Kidnap Kit:
  • Car
  • "Adult diapers" (so you won't have to stop in public and use a restroom)
  • Disguise:  trenchoat, dark wig, sunglasses (everyone knows you-- you're a famous astronaut!)
  • $600 in cash (don't create a paper trail by buying gas with a credit card)
  • BB Gun ("Get outta the car or I'll shoot you with this real gun!)
  • Pepper Spray ("Take that, rival for other astronaut's affections!")
  • Rubber gloves (don't leave fingerprints)
  • Rubber tubing ("Hold still a minute...")
  • Love letters ("'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?'  You stole from the Bard!")
  • Steel mallet (You don't want to know)
  • 4-inch folding knife (ditto)

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