Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bird Is The Word

Puny Humans:
 
Yeah, yeah, I'm a chicken.  I'm tired of the jokes.  This is serious.  Don't ask me if the sky is falling.  Don't associate my species with cowardice.  I'll peck your eyes out, fool.
 
Hey, shut up.  Don't say "chopped liver."  That's not funny.
 
Ahem.
 
Your New York Times reports today that China plans to vaccinate all the chickens (and other poultry) in China. 
 
Despite the fact that (1) "billions of free-range birds will have to be caught" and injected one by one, (2) we all look alike to you people; (3) pigs and migratory birds carry the virus, and (4) many Chinese families live with birds and pigs as their pets, I can't see anything wrong with it.
 
Oh, yeah!  Except for the fact that we don't need your stupid vaccines!
 
Vaccines are just a way for humans to encroach on the sovereignty of birds.  Do I look sick to you?
Hell, no!  Check out this plumage, you hairless apes.
Do I need the side effects of your stupid vaccine?  Like a neck-wringing!
 
You know what?  If you poor, scrawny monkeys are so worried you can't survive our nasty flu, maybe you should stop eating us.
You don't see chickens with leprosy and measles, do you? 
 
What? Chicken pox?  Very funny.
 
COUGH! COUGH!!
 
Two for flinching. 
Sucka.

1 comment:

Jack Roy said...

Good to have you back, Litvak.

At least, I think it is.