Friday, June 10, 2005

Abeer Allam: Why Do They Hate Us?

I know I've complained on this blog about the New York Times' silliness of late.
Silly articles about "man dates," the evils of highly-produced music, and whatnot.
But then there are hard-hitting pieces, gritty stories of social reality.

Egyptian NYT journalist Abeer Allam rises to the challenges facing contemporary journalists when she provides insight into the questions millions ask every day: Why do they hate us?

Not my question, but that of one of my readers.

Fundin Bluefin writes:

Why do the land creatures hate us?
Greetings, The Litvak. I am Fundin Bluefin, Consul of Fishes for the Eastern Atlantic Province. I am your most avid reader.
Consul Bluefin
According to Ms. Allam's diligent reporting, Manhattan surface dwellers kidnapped and decaptitated a journalist employed with the Daily Herring and left his remains in a rubbish bin.
The odor was so powerful one "could practically see it." Yes, we have the same idiom, charming primitives.
While the majority of local surface dwellers-- decent creatures at heart-- expressed disgust at this heinous crime, "burn[ing] scented candles" and gathering in a vigil, the perpetrators have not been apprehended.
Law enforcement attributed the killing to insurgents in the food service industry.
What do these killers want? They have made no demands and apparently strike without reason. Their cause is doomed.
As the duly appointed leader of your region, I will endeavor to harmonize in our governance the needs of surface-clinging creatures with those of their aquatic overlords. These killers resent our freedoms and fear we would loosen their dominance over others. Among the Fish, unjust hierarchy of size and toothiness is a relic of the dark past. And so it shall be among the surface creatues. You need not crouch in the shadows of the kelp any longer; emerge, emerge into the open water.
To the co-hatchlings of that brave and irreplaceable journalist, I send my deepest condolences.

Thank you, Consul Bluefin, and all hail our aquatic liberators.


Actually, it's a clever, funny piece... if a bit silly. Kudos, Ms. Allam!

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