Thursday, May 12, 2005

Its [sic] so Severe, its almost Draconian!

Check out this hilarious narishkeit, the best thing since "Rex Kwon Do"--
It's the Feral Fighting ad from Sammy Franco's "Contemporary Fighting Arts" website.
According to the site, Feral Fighting is "the most savage hand-to-hand combat system on the planet!".
In case you thought, maybe, something else was more savage, like channelingthe site explains that "Its [sic] so Severe, its almost Draconian!"
I dunno. Why not say it is actually Draconian? Severe just means Draconian, anyway.
Except Draconian sounds like it has something to do with a Dragon.
Which it doesn't. It's some Greek man. Not even a Dragon-Man.
Franco's just opening himself up to a competitor's claims that the Ruthless Rasslin' System is _Actually_ Draconian.

The illustrations on the covers of Franco's books are heavy metal posters with strong D&D influences. Check them out for inspiration when you're feeling insufficiently Draconian.

The "techniques" include things like putting both hands out in front of you to form a "revolutionary SHIELDING WEDGE" against "an enraged manic who goes 'ballistic.'"
And then, if you aren't already dangerous enough to kill a man five times before he hits the ground (wha-POW!), there's SCORCHING®.
It's trademarked!
I think it involves training your fingers with putty, then scratching your victims as if you had claws, as in the photo:
I assume this guy's fingers are covered with the viscera of some fool who thought he was Severe.

On a more philosophical note, it's interesting that some people try to sell martial arts with the approach that a style's effectiveness is correlated to the (purported) ability of its techniques to kill or maim people, or, more generally, be "extreme." This would be a terrible way to sell, say, legal services ("Our firm never settles! We sue your ENEMIES to DEATH and go to the Supreme Court with EVERY CASE."). And forget that this is total garbage--I want to know who needs to kill people that often but can't figure out that the pointy end of a knife is more "severe" than his fingertips?

On a less philosophical note, I would pay real money to watch this guy's students fight.

1 comment:

Jack Roy said...

"Draco was a man... I mean, he was a Dragon-Man... or just a dragon. But he was still Draco!! Draco!!"